Oh mighty Protozoa…

Today I pray to thee that Paula Deen’s new show be named “Home-cookin’ in Harlem,” a live cooking show on the street which has a studio audience of 300 African-Americans who just heard her wish to have a dinner party, and…  “Well, what I would really like is a bunch of little niggers to wear long-sleeved white shirts, black shorts and black bow-ties, you know, in the Shirley Temple days, they used to tap dance around. That would be a true Southern wedding. But we can’t do that because the media would be on me about that.”

Home-Cookin’ in Harlem – coming to pay-per-view soon…

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“Need a Toe?” by Brother Amoeba

Need a toe? We can get you one by 3 o’clock, with nail polish!

HAPPY ST. SOBCHAK’S DAY!!!

Hopefully you took the day off of work (this is a religious holiday, after all) so you can chuck your dirty undies out of a car window and drink copious amounts of alcohol! Today we celebrate our Vietnam buddies and the sacrifices they made, and we’ll need to go roll a few games of bowling! It’s a wonderful holiday that reminds us that life has gutters and spares, that everything does have something to do with Vietnam, and that dirty undies are just as fun to throw out of car windows as anything else can be, even if they are just the ringer!

Praise be to Mother Protozoan for allowing the Cohen Brothers to create our favorite saint!

—Brother Amoeba

Happy St. Sobchak’s Eve!

Greetings Dimminicans! I hope everyone is enjoying your St. Sobchak’s Eve. Remember that tonight we must all “give a shit about the rules” and scream, “Over the line!” at everyone who needs to hear it. Who has been over the line in your life today?

And, hopefully, you’ve been saving up your dirty undies, particularly the whites, for tomorrow’s St. Sobchak’s Day celebration! We’ll be flinging our laundry out of moving vehicles and drinking beer until we see our Vietnam buddies “face down in the muck!” Feel free to invite all your heathen friends to join in the celebrations, as well. We’re not an exclusionary religion. We feel we can party with just about anyone!

Praise the Mother Protozoan! And happy St. Sobchak’s, everyone!

—Richard Y.