“DIM News – May 9, 2016”

DIM NEWS UPDATE

May 09, 2016 – AP: “Church of DIM Gets Cleaned by Critics” – Many
critics of this revived religion that worships single-celled
organisms, including bacteria, have fired back at a proposal by
“Brother Erdahl” of DIM to “Remove all hand sanitizers from government
buildings.” Erdahl went on to say, “The situation is clear: the
government is condoning the slaughter of innumerable tiny organisms in
their infancy and goes against everything the Church of DIM, and my
beloved Brother Yates, believe in. This is like a million-billion
Holocausts to us.” It is this last statement that has caused a major
backlash, and while Erdahl attempted to backtrack his statements and
apologize for his callousness, many want his head. When approached at
Nipps Drive-Thru in Longview, Washington, the leader of the Church of
DIM, Richard F. Yates, longtime friend of Erdahl, replied to the
brewing controversy: “I can honestly say that I have never heard of
this Erdahl person. I am just as shocked as you are – tell you what,
if you find him, we can beat the crap out of him together.”