“A Lapse in the Dimensions Has Occurred! Praise Be!” by Nicole Blystone

[Here’s an archaeological piece from the recesses of the DIM archives, written by Nicole Blystone (then Nicole Peterson, aka Professor Nicole P.) in July of 2011! —RFY]

A place exists of extreme dimensional power. Power so great, it made my heart race and my teeth ache.

It all started with a trip to the dentist. I sat, sequestered, in a small, floral wall-papered room. On the wall hung a curio cabinet painted the green-color of aged copper to match the fake aged-copper rabbit lamp siting below it. The cabinet was filled with goat figurines. Figures of goats made from porcelain and glass, images of goats painted onto small plates, pieces of crystal carved into the goat shapes. Large, useless tassels hung from every surface imaginable: the drawer pulls, the top of the paper-towel dispenser, the window trimming. Even the strange goat-cabinet had a large tassel suspended from it.

To my left, on the pepto-pink counter top (which matched the wallpaper with sickening accuracy. Perhaps they were color matched?) sat my copy of East of Eden by John Steinbeck.

A masked woman came in, wearing floral scrubs. Perhaps they received a bulk discount on this floral pattern. Or perhaps the floral pattern is evidence of slippage between two dimensions; clearly, the pattern is from a hellish dimension that only the most blasphemous non-believers would be forced to endure. Then, strange and enlightening words came from behind her mask. “You’re the third person in here today reading that book.” All of the nerves in my body stood on end, sending shivers of electricity down to my fingertips; clearly, this room was an area of dimensional slippage more powerful than I had imagined. Who on earth, aside from myself, would subject themselves to Steinbeck as quote-unquote fun reading? Very few people aside from myself would do such a peculiar and outlandish thing. That was the moment I realized that the other two readers this woman spoke of must have been projected images of myself lapsing from different dimension in this powerful, interdimensional space.

Truly, the gods and goddesses are great, and the prophets were strong. Clearly, this was a message from the Ultimate Dimension, telling me that we, the Brothers and Sisters of the Church of Dim, are on the path to glory and eternal life.

Or something very similar to that, anyway. At the very least, I can comfortably say that the followers of the Church of Dim are destined to a fantastical dimension where the floral wallpaper dripping from the power-room does not exist to haunt our most horrifying nightmares. Indeed, a wall-paperless dimension exists, and we are on the path toward it!

-Nikki P.

[Originally published at the old site: The Church of Dimensional Images!]

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