“The Great Fleecing!” by Brother Yates

Let’s not beat around the bush here (for that is how we incur the wrath of SNAKE, who is usually sleeping in the bush and doesn’t want to be beaten.) We all know what the great FLEECING vs. SHEARING debate is TRULY about. Brother Erdahl, who is KNOWN to have had dalliances with other faiths while a member of the Church of DIM (he flirted with Stanism, and was a founding member of the Church of DOG, and we all know how THAT turned out…) And what he is advocating by the Great SHEARING is the fracturing of the CoD into smaller, less functional parts, or PERHAPS the complete destruction of the faith! For, as we all know, to shear DOES mean to remove the wool from a sheep, but it ALSO means to break away!!!! (GASP!) Are we beginning see the light???

In contrast, I—and other members of the most HOLY sect of the Brotherhood, THE BENEVOLENT ORDER OF DIM, YIPPY (or BOODY, for short)—advocate FLEECING, because fleecing is gentler, is less likely to upset the sheep, is more likely to make the sheep HAPPY…(And HAPPY SHEEP are WILLING SHEEP.)

FLEECING IS THE FIRST STEP IN CONSTRUCTING A CABLE-KNIT SWEATER! Shearing is insanity, but not the good, drawing psychedelic kittens kind of insanity—the boring kind of insanity that brings things to a grinding halt so we can listen to a pompous PENNYWHISTLER prattle on about his silly DOGS… That kind of insanity…

Church of DOG… Please…

—Brother Yates


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