“DIM’s Internal War Continues!” by Brother O’Brien

Unfortunately, the chaotic conflict (and alliteration) have only increased at the raddest of religions. It is with even more sadness that I report that someone co-opted my turkey sub from the mini-fridge at our house of worship (Pauly’s Dental and Mini-Storage, #19).

In the Brother Yates v. Brother Erdahl battle, things have deteriorated to a point of exasperation: it seems that Brother Yates called Brother Erdahl a “ninnyhammer” and Brother Erdahl called Brother Yates a “rattlecap.” Subsequently, Brother Yates replaced Brother Erdahl’s toothpaste with Icy Hot pain relief cream and Brother Erdahl reported Brother Yates to Homeland Security for being a North Korean Spy under the alias “Kim Jong Snake-Bunny.”

Therefore, I recruited Sister Mariah from our DIM branch in Poughkeepsie, NY, to act as a conflict interventionist. Impressively, Sister Mariah simply walked in and firmly slapped all three of us, then left, but not before she, sadly, stole every nickel from our holy coffers.

Well, that’s the update: the Yates/Erdahl battle still rages, we have no money (please send money), and my face still hurts.

If anyone sees Sister Mariah, please tell her that I don’t care about the embezzlement – I just want my turkey sub back.

Brother O’Brien

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