“The (True) Book of Progress” as channeled by Brother O’Brien

The Testament of DIM

The (True) Book of

Progress

THREE

 

  1. Before man, the true origin of life rests in the single-celled beginning of life, a mere pool of organisms that, through anomaly and reproduction, did become more than single-cells.
  2. And from this stew of life did come tiny amphibians and poopanuses, but Mother Amoeba did disapprove of this name, so they were renamed “pollywogs,” which amused Her.
  3. For 3 million years, pollywogs did rule the swamps of Earth, which made them arrogant and there arose much bullying of less-developed species, so Mother Amoeba did turn them into frogs, which blew everyone’s minds. Frogs turned out to be far less condescending and were beloved by all swamp creatures.
  4. It was in one of the carcasses of a frog that the first maggot did appear, which Mother Amoeba turned into flies after complaints were filed regarding the yuckiness of the maggots.
  5. With Mother Amoeba’s creations now both waterborne and airborne, evolution accelerated exponentially.
  6. Lizards.
  7. Rodents.
  8. Birds.
  9. Monkeys.
  10. Flying monkeys (but only briefly – they did displease Mother Amoeba, making “The Wizard of Oz” a forbidden film in the Church of DIM).
  11. Regular monkeys were beloved by all creatures except hair lice, but verily, hair lice had an inferior lobby presence and their preferences were ignored.
  12. Several monkey artists did arrange a gallery of suggested new species for Mother Amoeba for Her to either reject or say it was so.
  13. And Mother Amoeba said it was so, and it was so. In contrast, when the Christian god said it was so, it was so-so.

 

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