The Testament of DIM
The (True) Book of
- Before man, the true origin of life rests in the single-celled beginning of life, a mere pool of organisms that, through anomaly and reproduction, did become more than single-cells.
- And from this stew of life did come tiny amphibians and poopanuses, but Mother Amoeba did disapprove of this name, so they were renamed “pollywogs,” which amused Her.
- For 3 million years, pollywogs did rule the swamps of Earth, which made them arrogant and there arose much bullying of less-developed species, so Mother Amoeba did turn them into frogs, which blew everyone’s minds. Frogs turned out to be far less condescending and were beloved by all swamp creatures.
- It was in one of the carcasses of a frog that the first maggot did appear, which Mother Amoeba turned into flies after complaints were filed regarding the yuckiness of the maggots.
- With Mother Amoeba’s creations now both waterborne and airborne, evolution accelerated exponentially.
- Flying monkeys (but only briefly – they did displease Mother Amoeba, making “The Wizard of Oz” a forbidden film in the Church of DIM).
- Regular monkeys were beloved by all creatures except hair lice, but verily, hair lice had an inferior lobby presence and their preferences were ignored.
- Several monkey artists did arrange a gallery of suggested new species for Mother Amoeba for Her to either reject or say it was so.
- And Mother Amoeba said it was so, and it was so. In contrast, when the Christian god said it was so, it was so-so.