“Rejection Day!” by Brother O’Brien

“Rejection Day” (June 15th) – NO, today will not be easy, Dimmers. In fact, for some it may be the most difficult day of the year. In an effort to make our followers resilient and more confident, today you shall intentionally seek out rejection by strangers. Will that bus driver lend you $500 so you can buy velvet pants? Will that barista let you carefully and methodically choose each individual coffee bean for your latte? Will those two nuns agree to pose for your erotic coffee table book? Will the student loan people allow you to perform some household chores in lieu of the $25,000 you owe them? Give them a call and find out! With each rejection, you will become tougher and more outgoing, and if something goes wrong and someone says “Yes,” then hey, new velvet pants! And, after a hard day of getting rejected, per Church of DIM tradition, curl up with some good pharmaceuticals and pour a cup of hot cocoa directly into a half-full jar of marshmallow cream – diabetelicious!

—Brother O’Brien


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