“More Bad News” (discovered by) Brother O’Brien

The Columbian (19 May 2016): “DIM Leader Arrested in Connection with
CDC Violations”

The leader of The New Church of DIM, Richard Yates, was
arrested on Wednesday morning at his home. After a brief standoff,
arresting officers allowed Yates to eat some cereal while reading the
back of the box before taking him into custody. At issue was an annual
baptism in which Yates dips new followers into a pool of
bacteria-filled water. During these sessions, Yates refers to himself
as “Reverend Al Gee,” and proclaims that the newly-baptized have “met
their maker” and will “enjoy and celebrate 3 weeks of bacterial
infections and the internally-cleansing of holy tapeworms!” Although
no deaths have resulted, the Center for Disease Control warns against
the “Dumbest ritual they have ever heard of.” Yates was released on
$1200 bail posted by his furious wife, Mariah, although he remained
insolent with regard to his right to “randomly push humans into the
sewer as a tenet of his religion.” More information forthcoming as it
becomes available.

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