“DIM News Update!”

CNN: “It’s all ‘Petris and Cream’ at the CoD” (10 May 2016)

The now semi-notorious Church of DIM, known for its
worship of single-celled organisms and its suggestion that humans
continue ‘devolving’ to stop the final destruction of Earth, have
achieved something no one else has: they have caused a shortage of
petri dishes in the U.S. and several other countries.  A spokeswoman
for ‘Perfect Petri Purveyor” stated, “We can’t keep them in stock.
We’ve had complaints from Johns Hopkins, the World Health
Organization, and many others.  It seems that those devoted to the
Church of DIM have been buying up petri dishes for religious purposes
to celebrate bacteria or something.”

According to one of CNN’s sources, one of the most popular
ingredients for CoD petri experimentation is milk or cream due to its
short shelf-life and ability to produce large amounts of bacteria.
The source also said, “These guys are nuts. They sit around petri
dishes and wait for bacteria to grow, then pray to it.  Freakin’
weirdos.” NOTE: CNN does not condone religious discrimination, based
on a faith’s practices or otherwise.  The views shared by our source
are certainly not shared by our network.

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