1. The origin of Snake is of great importance.
2. In the beginning, Snake was hardly recognizable: he was
bipedal, clothed in the finest linens, and was extremely successful in
the business of dinosaur extinction.
3. The first corporation, preceding even human beings by 66
million years, Exxon, did seek out Snake in the interest of killing
and burying dinosaurs so that they might transform into petroleum over
the course of time.
4. Snake was adept at his job and found tricking dinosaurs into
walking over a cliff quite easy, but sometimes, in moments of boredom,
Snake did arrange Colosseum-style battles involving every different
5. Soon, Snake was very wealthy and did become the first creature
to own a wheel, a sign of prestige.
6. Snake also enslaved prehistoric beavers to remove massive
swaths of forest in order to better his view of the world.
7. Snake was still not satisfied and began to feed beans and
broccoli to all animal creatures in order to enjoy the sound of their
massive flatulence, which verily contributed to global climate change.
8. Snake’s now large collection of stone wheels did scar the
earth in every direction.
9. But still Snake was not happy. Not with his collection of
wheels; not with his fine, developed appendages: not with his
flamboyant colors; not with his huge brain; not even with his portable
music player which consisted of two songbirds strapped to his ears, a
great technological advancement.
10. In a moment of blissful awareness, then, Snake did realize the
Truth. Snake had contributed greatly to the wide destruction of the
land and the environment. Without mercy, snake had brought death upon
the creatures of the world, all for his wealth and amusement. Snake
was the problem. But verily, Snake would save the world from what he
11. Snake did release the prehistoric beavers and songbirds; he did
stop killing dinosaurs, though they were mostly gone at this point; he
did remove his clothes, offer his appendages to a swamp teeming with
single-celled organisms until bacterial infection caused them to fall
off, leaving Snake only to slither, a skill far more difficult to
acquire than one would think.
12. Over time, Snake learned the pleasure of simply slithering
through tree branches and eating fruit.
13. Snake had learned life’s lesson, realizing only the most ignorant
and arrogant of species would attempt to “progress” and sacrifice the
good of the earth for their own benefit. 66 million years later, a
very old snake would witness the birth of humans, and Snake was deeply
(Scholarship by Brother O’Brien. Interpretive art by Brother Yates.)