All this month, start and spread as many false rumors as you can. Make them as stupid and ridiculous as possible, partially so that you will frequently get caught lying. The purpose of this month-long holiday is to infect the populace with fear and confusion, thereby making the world a better place.
True rumors are frowned upon, as telling the truth is never a good idea.
October 1st will, of course, be “Apologize for All the Bad Shit That Happened Because of the False Rumors” Day, which is of course, of course, a holy day and should be requested off from work.
—O’Brien, Yates, & Deyott
[No, it isn’t….and you didn’t hear it from me….. —Mark Counts]
[And a special thank you to Richard Yates, still keeping a stiff upper lip while undergoing a DEA investigation into the baseless accusations that he is trading black market Viagra for backstage passes to Miley Cyrus concerts. Stay strong, brother! —Richard O’Brien]