“The Origin of the Start of the Beginning” by Brother Ebola

Brother Amoeba’s recent sermon, “In the Beginning,” is an insightful and valuable piece of text to better inform Church of Dim followers on our shared history. I believe even further digging into this subject is worth while. This is where etymology is crucial to understanding. As Brother Amoeba points out, “…” is, indeed, the origin – the beginning, but also the end. To anyone who eventually gets tired of saying “dot-dot-dot,” she or he or she will eventually use the proper word, “ellipses.” It is no coincidence, then, that when the final “s” is removed, the word “ellipse” is created – a mathematical term describing a curve on a plane – a “generalization of a circle.” The Earth travels a path around the sun in an ellipse, the blocking of an astronomical body is an eclipse, and an oval-shaped pastry is an eclair. Here is where things get weird: the most popular snack cake in the world is the Twinkie, which has a elliptical shape, just like the eclair – and they’re BOTH dessert pastries. But there’s more: turn that Twinkie over – go ahead, do it. Do you see the injection sites where weird, white sugar-fluff was pumped into the Twinkie? Now take a deep breath and don’t freak out. How many holes (dots) do you count on the bottom of that golden Twinkie? Three. Dot. Dot. Dot. Just like the ellipse, we have arrived where we started. The end IS the beginning, and “every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” Do you recognize those lyrics? The band was called “Semisonic” – but what most (all) people don’t know is that the original founder of the band, Drei Marx (German for “Three Marx”) , a man who loved Twinkies, quit the band when they changed the band’s name; it was originally “Semicircle.” That feeling in your head right now is your mind being blown.

Bless Mother Protozoa

~Brother Ebola


“Future Plans” by Harold Von Chowderbowl

Humans have reached an evolutionary dead end. From here on out, we’re just going to slide back into the slime from which we came. (Some of us have a serious head start!)

—Harold Von Chowderbowl

“In the Beginning” by Brother Amoeba

In the beginning, we found three dots floating in space, suggesting to some researchers that there might have been more to the story… (Our religion doesn’t pretend to know it all, although we do pretend quite a lot. We are also secure enough in our philosophical approach that we don’t mind admitting that we could be wrong from time to time. From this confession, I hope you realize that we are actually NEVER wrong. Ever. […])

… = the punctuation of the beast

—Brother Amoeba