“The Holy Begats” by Brother O’Brien

[Richard F. Yates and Josh Erdahl – I took the liberty of documenting for posterity one of the most boring sections of the New Holy Book:]

1 Krax begat Floryp,

2 And Floryp begat Blorpt,

3 And Blorpt begat Glynk,

4 And Glynk begat Billy,

5 And the sons of Billy were Klax, Zorm, and Flycklerox,

6 And Flycklerox was fabulously gay and so he begat the world’s first night club,

7 And Klax begat Blorpt, which was his great grandfather – the first successful instance of time travel,

8 And the second Blorpt begat Jeff,

9 And Jeff was a bit ‘special’ and so he was not allowed to beget any, but everyone praised his macaroni art,

10 And so Blorpt begat Nyxm, which he thought was a badass name,

11 And Nyxm begat Ankphidaddle,

12 And all agreed Ankphidaddle was the dumbest name since creation,

13 And Ankphildaddle murdered most of his coworkers at the quarry because he was teased mercilessly at school,

14 And then everyone forgot about sex for a while,

15 And then Ghastenflap begat Yolkoltak III, who was the first to be named this, but he was kind of pretnetious.

16 And Yololtak begat Gary,

17 And Gary was super ugly so mostly he just begat himself in the shower,

18 And that brings us to present day. So saith Mother Protozoa.

—Richard O’Brien
  • Josh Erdahl – I don’t know what “pretnetious” is, but I am totally stealing it!
  • Josh Erdahl – I am totally writing another book of Apocrypha, entitled “The Gospel according to Yolkoltak the Pretnetious”
  • Richard F. Yates – I hope you both realize that I am stealing this entire thread and posting it on the P.E.W. and the New Church of Dim sites!
  • Josh Erdahl – We need to start some Religious Debate websites to support other perspectives!
  • Richard O’Brien – Not to sound pretnetious, but THERE ARE NO OTHER PERSPECTIVES. BELIEVE IN DIM OR DIE BY OUR SWORDS (note to self: pick up swords)
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