“The Holy Begats” by Brother O’Brien

[Richard F. Yates and Josh Erdahl – I took the liberty of documenting for posterity one of the most boring sections of the New Holy Book:]

1 Krax begat Floryp,

2 And Floryp begat Blorpt,

3 And Blorpt begat Glynk,

4 And Glynk begat Billy,

5 And the sons of Billy were Klax, Zorm, and Flycklerox,

6 And Flycklerox was fabulously gay and so he begat the world’s first night club,

7 And Klax begat Blorpt, which was his great grandfather – the first successful instance of time travel,

8 And the second Blorpt begat Jeff,

9 And Jeff was a bit ‘special’ and so he was not allowed to beget any, but everyone praised his macaroni art,

10 And so Blorpt begat Nyxm, which he thought was a badass name,

11 And Nyxm begat Ankphidaddle,

12 And all agreed Ankphidaddle was the dumbest name since creation,

13 And Ankphildaddle murdered most of his coworkers at the quarry because he was teased mercilessly at school,

14 And then everyone forgot about sex for a while,

15 And then Ghastenflap begat Yolkoltak III, who was the first to be named this, but he was kind of pretnetious.

16 And Yololtak begat Gary,

17 And Gary was super ugly so mostly he just begat himself in the shower,

18 And that brings us to present day. So saith Mother Protozoa.

—Richard O’Brien
  • Josh Erdahl – I don’t know what “pretnetious” is, but I am totally stealing it!
  • Josh Erdahl – I am totally writing another book of Apocrypha, entitled “The Gospel according to Yolkoltak the Pretnetious”
  • Richard F. Yates – I hope you both realize that I am stealing this entire thread and posting it on the P.E.W. and the New Church of Dim sites!
  • Josh Erdahl – We need to start some Religious Debate websites to support other perspectives!
  • Richard O’Brien – Not to sound pretnetious, but THERE ARE NO OTHER PERSPECTIVES. BELIEVE IN DIM OR DIE BY OUR SWORDS (note to self: pick up swords)

“The Book of Genocide” by Brother Noompsey

[The following piece is a non-canonical, apocryphal text sometimes associated with the early Mimetic Sect of the Church of Dim. It is presented here for educational purposes.]

The Book of Genocide

as Recorded from God by Brother Noompsey of the Order

of the Faithful Animal Propagation of Philosophy and Mimesis, OBE.

1. Verily, it came to pass that the world

Created by a divine and bene-

Volent Creator stood in the lone cosmos

A singularity of creatures and man

Living in peaceful bliss.

2. Man and mega-lizard, cat and dog

Living together as one, a Panagea of peace.

But, as time went lazily down the garden path

Of insouciance, man soon got really bored.

2a. Tranquility and Relaxing Cool jazz

Really grated on his nerves.

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